Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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