I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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