I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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