Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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