farters have to be the big spoon...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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