If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize