Yo dont text me then not text me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
