She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
