I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
