dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just want nice things and good sex
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
