i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Terrible idea I love it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
