Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
