Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
