i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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