she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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