I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
