Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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