I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
