The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
