We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
