Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was a blind-side dick pic.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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