he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
