I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Floor bacon is actually really good
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
