google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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