Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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