I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
