Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
