woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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