Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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