I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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