I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
