SEEEEXXX PLEASE
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
