my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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