So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
