Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
