She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
