four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
