on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
