Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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