i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
