I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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