Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
