you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
