i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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