My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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