I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
