Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
