I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
