He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
