the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
