You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
