careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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