I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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