So drunk its hurt
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
