im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Small penises have feelings too.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
