Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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