i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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