Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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