It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
