I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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