Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
