very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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