I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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