My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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