...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
