She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
