I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
