Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
