Can i not drive my cunt home
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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