Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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